The Lie of Love Page 14

  ‘Fabulous,’ Amanda replied. But she didn’t really look interested at all.

  Autumn leaves had not yet started to fall but already Darcy felt the chill of that season creeping over her. The last weeks of August had been a frenzy of fundraising, interspersed with stolen moments of passion in whatever bed or isolated spot she and Harry could get access to. The task of finding these places had become something that had consumed Darcy almost as much as Sophie’s Steps. The fact was she knew the end was near, and that end would not be decided by either of them, as before, but by the demands of life itself. Harry was due back at university in Bath and had been called by friends to go early and sort out his new accommodation. Darcy was needed increasingly at home to not only take care of the family, as she had always done, but now to organise major surgery halfway across the world for her daughter along with all the travel, accommodation, visas and paperwork, equipment and aftercare that would entail. She had had no idea there would be so much work involved in simply setting a date for the operation and turning up for it.

  Amanda had been pushing too, determined that they would meet their target before the year’s end as they had discussed. Darcy was ever doubtful, but as she watched the totals steadily climb, with some marvel she began to harbour that secret seed of hope that they might just make it.

  Harry flipped himself, naked, from the bed in the tiny caravan, and padded across the room for a bottle of water on a shelf. Taking a swig, he grinned at Darcy as she lay with a tangled sheet across her. They had been desperate, ever more reckless, and their meetings had been getting closer and closer to home. Right now, they were in a caravan in West Bay that one of Harry’s friend’s parents owned. Harry had reassured Darcy that he hadn’t divulged to his friend the reason he needed it, and why he only needed it for one day, but Darcy couldn’t be sure he was being entirely truthful about that. Despite her doubts, she had agreed to come, the urge to see him too strong.

  ‘You want some water?’ he asked.

  Darcy shook her head. ‘I’m fine. It would mean sitting up and I really can’t be bothered.’

  Harry laughed and vaulted himself back onto the bed again, leaning across her and kissing her nose. He pulled back and stared at her.

  ‘What?’ Darcy asked with a frown.

  ‘I’m studying you carefully. I want to remember you like this for always.’

  Darcy was suddenly overwhelmed by a wave of emotion, feelings that she couldn’t allow herself the luxury of. She tried to think of something witty in reply, something to break the tenderness of the moment, but she couldn’t. She let out a sigh and tears sprang to her eyes.

  ‘Hey…’ Harry kissed her again. ‘I didn’t mean to make you cry.’

  ‘You didn’t make me cry. It’s this…’

  ‘The caravan?’

  ‘Our situation. It doesn’t seem fair that so much is against us having a future of any kind.’

  ‘We don’t have to think about that now,’ Harry said gently. ‘We have to grab every moment as it flits by and kiss it…’ he leaned into her, pressing his mouth over hers. ‘Just like that…’ Shifting his hips, he moved onto her. She felt him stir and harden as his kisses grew deeper.

  ‘Again?’ Darcy broke off with a watery smile. Harry gazed down at her and then rolled off.

  ‘Maybe not now.’ He gathered her into his arms and she snuggled against him. ‘Not while you’re unhappy.’

  ‘I’m not unhappy. Just frustrated with everything. How is it so wrong for us to be together when it feels so right?’

  ‘If it feels right then surely it is right?’

  ‘That’s youth talking. It’s easy to see things that way when you have no responsibilities and your whole future is still laid out before you like a blank page.’

  ‘I have my mum and dad; I have you to worry about too.’

  ‘You worry about me? Since when?’

  ‘I don’t want us to get caught because of what it would do to you, but it’s hard to hide this stuff when my mum gets all Miss Marple on my ass.’

  Darcy couldn’t help a small laugh.

  ‘That’s better,’ Harry said, pulling her closer. ‘I like to hear you laugh.’

  They were silent for a time, each lost in their own thoughts as the shadows moved imperceptibly across the room marking the slow passing of the day. Slow it might be for anyone else, but for Darcy it was all too fast.

  ‘I don’t think we’ll ever see each other again, will we?’ she asked finally. ‘At least, not like this.’

  ‘I don’t know. It’s been good, hasn’t it?’

  ‘It’s been good.’ The word love kept intruding into Darcy’s thoughts. But saying it would break her heart so she kept it deep inside.

  ‘I’ll text you,’ he said.

  ‘Better not. It might get awkward when you’re at uni and there are lots of people around you to notice.’

  ‘Will you text me?’

  ‘No. I don’t think that would be a good idea either.’

  Silence again.

  ‘But we’ve been texting all this time,’ he insisted.

  ‘That was different. There’s no point after today, is there?’

  ‘I could see you when I come home again.’

  ‘When you come home?’

  ‘Christmas is when I’m back next.’

  ‘Christmas is busy when you have kids.’

  ‘Right….’

  Their final moments saw them quiet again. Darcy shivered slightly. He untwisted the sheet and pulled it over her before kissing her again.

  ‘We should get dressed,’ she said finally.

  ‘Yeah,’ Harry agreed.

  A few minutes later, Harry was locking the caravan door. Darcy watched him from the car a few metres away. He shot a final look at her, a faint smile, and then walked in the opposite direction for his own car.

  Autumn was harder than Darcy had ever imagined. Not only physically, with the demands from Sophie’s Steps increasing as the campaign kicked up a gear in an attempt to meet their deadline, but because she was utterly bereft. The times when she was absorbed in Sophie’s Steps, or when she was busy playing house, were actually the times when it was easiest to cope with her loss. After the first couple of weeks, where ignoring Harry’s texts was torture, they lessened until he became silent. But that was when Darcy, who had vowed not to dwell on it and get on with her life, as he would be, did just that. Solitary moments would see her obsessing over what he was doing, who he was meeting, whether he had slept with anyone else since his departure. She hung on Julia’s every word whenever they met, eager for a crumb of news, but Julia was only interested in the practicalities of his every day domestic arrangements and that was no use at all to Darcy, starved of emotional fulfilment. And even as the fundraising steamrollered towards its target, Julia’s involvement became less too. She could see that they were nearly there, and she had other demands on her time. Darcy didn’t mind that, but as the only link to Harry, she almost craved the company of the woman guilt had once driven her to avoid.

  As things settled back into a routine of sorts at home, Amanda’s suspicions were forgotten too. Darcy was always where she was supposed to be, answered her phone promptly, arrived for meetings looking like the light had gone out in her eyes. Amanda seemed satisfied with this return to normality. So, for that matter, did Ged.

  There had been one blazing row shortly after Harry had left, Ged checking their joint bank account and seeing a series of withdrawals Darcy had made. Ged had thrown every accusation at Darcy over the missing money except the right one. To Darcy, this spoke volumes about the way he perceived her. In his eyes she was worthless, unattractive, undesirable. She was a household expense like the gas bill or the TV licence. Who would want her? In the end, he had been content with the story that the money had gone on fundraising expenses, though she could see that he inwardly fumed. Guilt ridden, she had vowed to somehow put the money back. That was when the idea to get a job had come about, something that seem
ed to perk Ged up no end. After Sophie had her money, she told him, she would get some work, and he readily agreed.

  Their current state, heading towards Christmas, was a cold, absurdly courteous truce. They communicated, but nothing of any meaning was ever really said, and the gap between them in bed as they slept was a gulf of thinly veiled despair.

  Darcy was making mulled wine when the phone lying on the kitchen worktop a few feet away buzzed a call. She dried her hands and rushed to answer it. Seeing the caller display show Amanda, she relaxed. She never expected it to be anyone else, but somehow the disappointment that it wasn’t one person in particular lingered no matter how many times she chided herself for it.

  ‘How are you?’ she asked.

  Amanda sounded breathless. ‘I made a mistake last time we met up.’

  ‘Sorry….’

  ‘With the calculations. We left out the money from the all the car boot sales and the auction.’

  ‘So, what does that mean?’ Darcy asked, the faint stirrings of excitement within her. ‘It means we have more than we thought?’

  ‘It means we’ve done it!’ Amanda squealed.

  Darcy stared at the opposite wall, mouth open. All those months of toil it felt like they would never get there. But this was it? ‘Are you sure?’ she asked in a daze.

  ‘Howie has checked twice. It’s definitely all there. Just under forty-six thousand, according to his calculations. I’ll get a proper statement from the bank for the exact figure…. Isn’t it incredible?’

  ‘It is,’ Darcy replied quietly. ‘Incredible…’

  She was happy, of course, but it didn’t feel as she had imagined it would. Sophie would get her operation and her life would be transformed. But it was a bittersweet victory for Darcy. She had relied on the feverish activity of the last few months to give her life purpose. For Darcy, to finally reach that target was another crutch pulled away from her, to send her freefalling into the void of her empty marriage. She just hadn’t realised it until this moment.

  ‘I’m going to phone Julia, let her know.’

  ‘Good idea.’

  ‘And we need to celebrate. A huge celebration! I propose we go out together, everyone who has been involved. How about Jupiter Garden?’

  ‘That’s an expensive place –’

  ‘But this is a big deal…’

  ‘I don’t know…’

  ‘Are you worrying about that miserable pig of a husband? If he complains it’s too expensive you can tell him from me –’

  ‘No,’ Darcy interrupted, ‘I just think we need to save as much as we can for the trip now that we have the surgery fees. We still have to pay for a lot of that ourselves, remember?’

  Amanda was silent for a moment. ‘You’re right. I got carried away. Can we still celebrate if it’s something smaller?’

  ‘Of course,’ Darcy said, relenting. Amanda deserved a celebration; she had worked almost as hard as Darcy over the past few months. ‘Why don’t I cook a special meal here?’

  ‘Shall I ask Julia to come?’

  ‘Absolutely.’

  After some brief discussion about possible dates for their meal and another exclamation of delight, Amanda ended the call to phone Julia.

  Darcy turned back to her mixing but her mind was far away. There was so much to organise before they were really ready to go. She would have to call the hospital in Florida and confirm their dates, Sophie and Jake would both need time off school, Ged would possibly need a lot of time off work, additional physiotherapy for Sophie’s return to the UK would have to be organised… the list seemed never ending.

  Picking up the phone again, she called Ged.

  ‘Hi,’ he replied, sounding surprised to hear from her. ‘What’s wrong?’

  ‘We’ve got the money.’

  There was a brief silence at the other end of the line, a deep exhalation, then: ‘So I have to book time off work?’

  ‘It would be a good idea. You’ve known all along that I need you to come with me.’

  ‘We’re in the middle of a huge project… I’m not sure how easy it will be –’

  ‘Please, Ged. You said you would.’

  Another silence. Another deep breath.

  ‘I could stay home with Jake and you could take Sophie.’

  ‘Are you crazy? It’s three weeks in Florida and then travelling home with a sick child! I can’t do it without you!’

  ‘The money…’

  ‘Screw the money! What is wrong with you? You’ve been against this from the start. Anyone would think you don’t want Sophie to get better –’

  ‘She won’t be better, will she? She might be able to walk but she’ll always have cerebral palsy.’

  Darcy’s mouth dropped open. ‘She can still have a life! We owe it to her to give her the best chance we can!’

  ‘And as I keep reminding you, we have another child.’ The patronising evenness of Ged’s tone made Darcy want to scream. ‘He doesn’t need uprooting and shipping out to another country, sitting around in hospital waiting rooms, more sitting around in a hotel, while we get Sophie right.’

  ‘He wants to come.’

  ‘He says he wants to come because he thinks it will be all theme parks and beaches. But it won’t be.’

  ‘You can take him to do those things while I stay with Sophie.’

  ‘We’re not made of money, Darc.’

  Darcy sniffed. ‘You said you would come.’

  ‘You pressured me.’

  ‘That’s ridiculous.’

  ‘Darcy… I can’t talk about this now. I’m due in a meeting.’

  Darcy ended the call and slammed the phone onto the kitchen counter. Pinching the bridge of her nose, she closed her eyes and drew deep breaths as she fought to calm herself. The ever-changing current of her emotions over the course of the last hour was enough to break her, but she couldn’t let it, not now that she was so close to everything she had dreamed of for Sophie. Frustrating as it was, she had to accept that any further discussion with Ged would have to wait. She wondered whether he would even bother asking his boss for the time off work, or whether he would simply tell Darcy that he had and been refused. It wouldn’t be the first time he had lied about work to get out of doing something he hadn’t fancied anyway.

  Rushing to the dresser, she rooted for the small, leather-bound phone book. Laying her hands on it, she scanned the pages for the direct number of his boss. She would make damn sure that if Ged was not going to tell his boss about Sophie’s trip, he would find out somehow, and he would understand how important it was for Sophie’s father to be close by through it all. It was underhand, but if that was what it took to get Ged on that plane, she would do it.

  Darcy had only met Michael Simmons twice before, despite all the years she had known Julia. He was often out of the house – either at his job as agriculture lecturer at the local college or helping on the farm he part-owned with his brother. Darcy had been struck by how likeable he was, however, on both occasions. The weatherworn creases of his face betrayed a deep and abiding love of the outdoors, and his carefree charm seemed to mirror the freedom of the wind whipping across his beloved fields.

  ‘It’s lovely to see you again.’ Darcy held out her hand to shake his, but he let out a throaty laugh and waved it aside.

  ‘Let’s not stand on ceremony,’ he said, pulling her into a hug.

  Darcy blushed as he let go and turned to Ged.

  ‘If it’s all the same I’ll take the handshake,’ Ged said.

  Michael stuck his hand out. ‘Of course. Pleased to finally meet you.’ He turned his attention to Sophie, who sat, light as a feather in one of Ged’s arms. Rather than drag her wheelchair across their vast gravelled drive, he had carried her in. Jake, stood at Ged’s side. ‘Pleased to meet you both too,’ Michael said, looking from one child to another with a broad, welcoming grin.

  Sophie smiled shyly and Jake looked down at his feet.

  ‘They take a while to warm up,’ Darcy sai
d, ‘but once they do you’ll wish they were still being quiet and sullen.’

  ‘That’s alright. It’s been a long time since we had a kiddie terrorising the house. I rather miss Harry’s shouting.’

  Darcy tried not to think about Harry running around their kitchen at Jake’s age, and just how recent that would be. She was simply relieved he was not there to make her discomfort even more acute.

  ‘Where is your lad?’ Ged asked. ‘I thought he’d be home, being Christmas and all.’

  Michael hooked a thumb at the ceiling. ‘Upstairs. I don’t know what he’s up to but he’s been messing around up there all morning. I’ve never known a lad take so long to get showered and dressed.’

  Darcy felt the floor tip away from her. Harry was upstairs. Did that mean he was joining them? Enquiring as casually as she could, Darcy had been told by Julia on the phone that he was meeting up with some old school friends. She would never have come had she known he would be there; she would have insisted that they had the celebration at her own house, as she had originally wanted. Why had his plans changed?

  ‘Amanda not with you?’ Julia asked, interrupting her frantic thoughts.

  ‘She’s going to be a bit late – hairdresser running behind – but she said she would get Howie to bring her over when she was done.’

  Julia smiled. ‘Wild horses wouldn’t drag her anywhere unless her hair is perfect. I’m sure she won’t mind if we have a wee drink while we wait for her.’ She gestured towards the living room. ‘Why don’t we grab a comfy seat while we wait…? Michael don’t we have some soft drinks for the children in the pantry?’

  He gave her a thumbs up as he ambled off in the direction of the stone-flagged hallway. ‘Already on it, my love.’

  Darcy, Ged and the kids were ushered into a very traditional looking lounge: tapestry upholstered high-backed chairs were arranged around a Persian rug, a coal fire roared in an open grate. Around the walls were pictures and photos, row upon row of paintings of the house in days gone by, of the farm owned by Michael and his brother, of long-dead family ancestors, of Harry at various stages of his life.