The Lie of Love Page 9

  ‘And I’m sick to death of you not caring about anyone in this family.’

  ‘I never asked to be a dad!’

  Darcy winced. It had been a long time since he had trotted that particular line out and she had hoped, however misguided that hope might have been, that he was over it. The truth was that it was Darcy who had wanted kids, where Ged had not. Reluctantly, he agreed to Jake, but when Jake was born Darcy realised just how much she didn’t want him to grow up without a sibling. Then followed more heated discussions (that felt more like marriage shattering arguments) and some time afterwards Sophie arrived. But for the first few years, particularly as Sophie came with her own unique problems, Ged had made it known at every opportunity how much he had been opposed to their having children at all.

  ‘Perhaps you’d like to shout that a bit louder,’ Darcy said quietly, ‘a few people over the far side of the Cobb didn’t hear it. Your daughter most certainly did though.’

  Sophie twisted around again, eying them silently as she often did. Darcy could almost see the thought processes behind her wide-eyed gaze. But as she always did, whatever Sophie was thinking, she kept it to herself.

  ‘Stop goading me then,’ Ged hissed back. ‘I’m doing my bloody best here but it’s never good enough for you, is it?’

  ‘Are you doing your best? Because all I see is someone doing their best to be awkward. You’re certainly doing your best not to get involved in what could be the single most important thing to happen in your daughter’s life.’

  Ged paused. ‘I don’t have to listen to this. Do you want me to stick around today or not?’

  ‘It’s not like anyone would miss you, as you haven’t been here long enough for anyone to notice you’ve arrived anyway.’

  Staring straight ahead, Ged ground his teeth. ‘Fine. But I’m only hanging around now because Jake is watching the boats. After that I’m going home whether you come or not.’

  ‘I can’t come straight away. I have to help pack up.’ Darcy levelled her tone in a stiff attempt at civility. ‘But if you could take the kids back that would be a huge help.’

  ‘Right, I’ll do that.’ Ged’s polite reply was equally as forced. Without another word, he grabbed the handles of Sophie’s chair and began to wheel her in the direction of Jake, who was squinting out to sea, the surface now glittering with a sun that had burned through the early cloud to beat down on the beach. He didn’t look back once and Darcy could almost see the hostility in the aggressive hunch of his shoulders.

  Her eyes burned with tears, but she sniffed hard and shook them away. There would be a time to dwell on their conversation, on all the things that were wrong between her and Ged, on the fact that her marriage seemed to be unravelling faster than she could keep up with, but that time couldn’t be now when she had so much to do.

  Amanda made her way over with two takeaway coffees. ‘It took an age to get served.’ She handed Darcy a paper cup. ‘So Ged finally showed. What was his excuse?’

  ‘Something work needed urgently this morning,’ Darcy replied, peeling back the lid and taking a careful sip of her coffee. ‘He’s apologised and Ethan managed to get a word with him, which was the main reason I wanted him here.’

  Amanda looked at her, the doubt obvious in her expression, but she made no comment on whether she believed Darcy was really ok with Ged’s no-show. ‘Two more games to go and then we’ll be packing up. It’s been a great success, don’t you think?’

  Darcy nodded. ‘I think so. Has Julia still got your bucket?’

  ‘Oh, I completely forgot about that! She has, poor sausage. I bet she’s cursing me for running off and leaving her.’

  ‘I’m sure she doesn’t mind, but we probably ought to find her and relieve her of the duty.’

  ‘Probably…’

  The rest of the afternoon passed in a blur of more collecting, more small-talk and gracious smiles, and more of Darcy trying her best to stifle the negative emotions simmering dangerously close to the surface. Every so often she would run her gaze across the crowds, trying to see where Ged was and what he and the children were doing. A couple of times she tried to catch his eye, to gauge his mood, but she never seemed to manage it. She often found herself drawn to wherever Harry was too, watching him chat easily with his group of friends, Rachel hanging around on the outskirts and laughing at everything he said. Julia had the odd quick word with him and then went off again with a spare bucket she had been to fetch from the church hall, having decided to stay for the rest of the day and maximise the fundraising effort. Darcy couldn’t remember the last time her life was that uncomplicated, she mused as she watched him. She couldn’t remember her life ever being full of such promise and opportunities as his seemed to be. Her youth had been entirely unremarkable and nobody had expected her to amount to anything. Being free of those expectations meant that she had nothing to strive for either, no reason to try to be anything remarkable. When she thought back on it now, approaching middle age, she wondered whether she would ever come to terms with all those wasted years.

  As the crowds began to disperse, back to their holiday cottages, tents, caravans, or even back to their homes just up the road, Ged made his way to where Darcy and Amanda were discussing who would be able to bank their donations the following day.

  ‘I suppose you don’t need me now?’ he spoke awkwardly to Darcy as Amanda looked on, tight-lipped.

  ‘We can manage… but I do need to stay behind for a while, until everyone goes. Just to thank people really.’

  ‘Of course… So what time can we expect you home?’

  She shrugged. ‘I’ve no idea. It depends on how long it takes everyone to leave.’

  ‘Right… so I’ll take the kids with me?’

  ‘That would help. If I’m late you may need to feed them too.’

  ‘Can we go to get burgers?’ Jake squeaked, his eyes lighting up. Sophie nodded eagerly in agreement. Ged blew out a long breath.

  ‘I suppose we’ll get burgers then.’

  ‘No need to wait for me; I’ll eat some toast when I get home.’ Darcy tried to keep her voice neutral, but the tension in the air between them was so heavy they could almost touch it.

  ‘Right….’ Ged gave Jake a gentle nudge to start walking and followed with Sophie in the chair.

  ‘You two are still not friends?’ Amanda asked as they watched them go.

  ‘Is it that obvious?’

  ‘It would only be more obvious if you had taken a hammer to his head.’

  Darcy smiled thinly. ‘I suppose so. Some days that’s quite a tempting idea.’

  ‘Well…’ Amanda said briskly,’ I expect it will blow over.’

  ‘Hmmm, I expect so.’

  After a few words of thanks to all participants, and after bidding Amanda and Julia goodbye, Darcy couldn’t quite face the drive back home – not just yet. As the last person left, she took a walk along the sand in the mellow evening sun, her mind filled with troublesome thoughts and uncertainties, and a melancholy that she couldn’t shake. The day should have been her triumph, the best day of the campaign so far. Instead, Ged had turned it into something that left a sour taste. She didn’t stop walking until she was far out of the path of the tourists still out on the beach to make the most of the last warmth of the evening, on a stretch of the beach that she had often visited as a girl but mostly only known to those who had lived in the town their whole lives.

  Taking a seat on a large, flat rock, she gazed out to sea, watching the last rays skim over its undulating surface in a dazzling light show. On another day, she would have been charmed by its beauty, reminded of the reason why she loved this coast so much. But not today. All she could think about today was how her life was unravelling before her very eyes. In the distance, the sounds of squealing children barely registered; the rumble of the tide, like great breaths in and out, hardly encroaching on her consciousness at all. Was it time to admit that her marriage was a sham? She had wanted to be in love with Ged still, had fo
ught any notion that she might not be for years, but today she had been struck by the awful truth… any love she had once felt for him was fading fast. But how did he feel about her? Was there anything left worth trying to save?

  Tears squeezed her throat, the expanse of gentle waves shimmering and dancing in her blurred vision. All day she had fought them, but now she was alone there was nothing to do but let them fall. And she did, quietly and without fuss, her soul cleansed with every gasp of sadness.

  ‘Are you alright?’

  Darcy hastily dragged a sleeve across her eyes and squinted up. Harry stood looking down at her. How had he found her? More importantly, why had he come looking? She nodded, embarrassed that her outpouring had been discovered.

  ‘Yes,’ she said, forcing a smile. ‘I just got a bit emotional about today, that’s all.’

  He perched on another rock next to hers. His scent was musky, overlaid with the freshness of hastily applied deodorant. In the months and years to come, Darcy would think of the smell often.

  ‘You got loads of money?’

  She nodded. ‘You were all amazing. I know I said it before but I can’t say it enough… and you especially for having the idea and making it happen.’

  He shrugged and smiled. ‘I had nothing else to do.’

  ‘I’m sure that’s not true but I’m grateful.’

  ‘But if you got loads of money and the day went well, that doesn’t seem like a reason to cry to me.’

  ‘It’s nothing… honestly… you don’t need to know about my silly problems.’

  ‘You could try me.’

  Darcy looked across to see him staring intently at her. She felt herself colour and gave a self-conscious laugh. ‘That’s nice of you but I’m afraid you’d want to jump into the sea after ten minutes of listening to my boring life.’

  ‘You weren’t happy with Mr Blake?’

  ‘How did you…’

  ‘Mum said something to me. And then I could tell – the way you two were with each other.’

  ‘Oh God… did everyone on the beach see it?’ Darcy squeaked, mortified at the idea of what she thought was a private spat on public show.

  ‘Chill… I think most people were too busy watching the games to notice. And I only looked because Mum said.’

  Darcy smiled thinly and returned her gaze out to sea. A brace of broad-winged gulls swung through the sky, swooping and diving as she watched.

  ‘For what it’s worth, I hope you sort it out,’ he said, interrupting her thoughts.

  ‘I expect we will.’

  And from nowhere, Darcy was overwhelmed by emotion again, and the tears fell, hot and fast. This time there was no stopping them no matter how she might try.

  ‘Hey…’ Harry placed a tentative hand on hers. ‘I didn’t mean –’

  ‘I know,’ Darcy sobbed, ‘I know you didn’t mean anything and I feel like an idiot for crying like this but…’

  He reached for her and she fell into his arms. Though not quite the musculature of a fully mature man, they were still strong, his chest still broad and firm. It had been a long time since she had felt so safe, so comfortable in an embrace. Drying her eyes she looked up at him…

  The next moments were a blur. Looking back, she would never know what made her do it. Darcy kissed him. Then he kissed her back – urgent and full of fire, his hands in her hair as hers crept beneath his shirt, exploring his back. It felt like her first kiss, something fresh and pure, untainted by years of second-guessing, of insecurities and duty. She could have kissed him forever but then something made her stop.

  ‘God…’ she panted. ‘I don’t know why…. I’m so sorry…’ She leapt up from her rock. Harry grabbed her arm.

  ‘It’s ok.’

  ‘It’s not ok!’ Darcy ripped her arm from his grip. ‘It’s not ok at all!’

  ‘Please… don’t go in this state if you must go. Sit down for a minute and we can talk.’

  Darcy chewed her lip, torn. His advice made perfect sense but in her present state of mind she wasn’t sure she could trust herself.

  ‘I won’t touch you, I swear,’ he said, giving her a Boy Scout salute.

  ‘It’s not you I’m worried about.’

  He pulled her gently down to sit next to him. ‘I wouldn’t mind so much if you did.’ He shot her a sideways grin.

  ‘Harry… we can’t. I’m married.’

  ‘I know. But if nobody knows, nobody gets hurt, do they?’

  ‘We know.’

  ‘We don’t have to tell though.’ He smoothed a stray hair away from her forehead. The action forced her eyes shut as pulses of desire shot down her spine. And then his lips were on hers again, softly this time, the lightest of touches.

  ‘Harry…’ Darcy sighed, ‘Harry, don’t…’

  ‘Don’t what?’ he whispered as he kissed her again. ‘Don’t do this?’ his lips found her neck and the waves of heat in her grew. Through the muddle of her thoughts, she knew if she didn’t stop this now they would go too far. She pushed him away, the action so feeble that he simply smiled and kissed her again.

  ‘Please…. Harry…’

  His kisses were harder in reply, his hands now at the small of her back, pulling her in.

  ‘Anytime you want me to stop, I’ll stop,’ he breathed in her ear. ‘You just have to say.’

  But she didn’t want him to stop and he knew it.

  ‘I didn’t think you’d be this long.’ Ged looked up from his laptop as Darcy crept in. She had hoped he would be asleep in front of the TV – as he so often was in the evening these days – but it seemed this time luck was against her.

  ‘Amanda wanted to go over some things for next week.’

  ‘Right… only…’ he closed the lid on his laptop and placed it on the sofa beside him. ‘I thought after today…’

  ‘Forget it,’ Darcy said. ‘It doesn’t matter.’

  ‘You’re not still angry with me?’ he asked, a note of surprise in his voice.

  ‘You turned up eventually and did the newspaper thing, and that’s what matters in the end.’

  ‘Darc… sit down, love.’

  Automatically, she perched on the sofa next to him. The last thing she needed now was intimacy. She could still smell Harry on her skin, and was convinced that he would too if they got too close. ‘I’m quite tired; I think I’ll go bed if that’s ok.’

  ‘I’m sorry about today,’ he said, reaching for her. She wriggled away from his embrace. ‘I know you’re still angry but I’m going to try harder from now on.’

  Anger wasn’t the right word for the way she was feeling – at least, not anymore. Guilt, shame, elation… they were closer to the tumultuous range of emotions that raged within her. What had happened on the beach that evening had changed everything forever. It didn’t matter if anyone else but Harry and her knew; the important thing was that she knew she was capable of deceit in a way she had never imagined before. It was a revelation that shocked her to the core.

  Despite this, the urge lingered for more. Through her head pulled flashbacks: the way his lips tasted, the way his skin smelt, the way his hands felt on her bare skin. As they parted, both vowing never to let it happen again, they both knew it was only a matter of time before it did. She was sure the vow had been made with more meaning by her than him – after all, she was the one who had everything to lose. But she feared that she would be the first one to crack and break it.

  As she looked across at Ged now, she wondered exactly what that everything was.

  ‘I told you, I’m not angry. It’s been a long day, and I’m tired. I just want to grab a drink and go to bed.’

  ‘So we’re ok?’

  ‘Where are the kids?’ she asked, suddenly aware of how oppressive the silence of the house was.

  ‘Jake ended up going home with Brandon after we left you and he’s staying over. Sophie’s asleep.’

  ‘I’ll go and check on her…’ Darcy pushed herself from the sofa, evading the hand that followed to h
old her back.

  ‘You didn’t answer me,’ Ged called.

  Darcy didn’t reply. Instead, she trudged up the stairs, intent on checking that Sophie was asleep before showering and falling into her own bed. She doubted sleep would come, but she was so emotionally drained from the day that at least a quiet dark room would be better than having to make small talk with Ged downstairs.

  Peering around the pony-covered door, she was satisfied to see that Sophie was lying with her back to her and appeared to be settled. But as Darcy began to close the door again and the hinges let out a stubborn crack, Sophie flipped over to face her.

  ‘Cheeky monkey,’ Darcy smiled. ‘Daddy told me you were asleep but you were pretending all along, weren’t you?’

  ‘I was sleeping. But then I heard you and Daddy talking…’

  ‘Oh.’ Darcy’s smile faded. ‘I thought we were talking quietly.’

  ‘It’s alright.’ Sophie held her in a measured gaze for a moment. ‘Did you get lots of money today?’

  Darcy nodded. ‘We did. A bit closer to our dream, eh?’

  ‘Daddy says it’s a shame you don’t put this much energy into getting money for everyone else in the family.’

  Darcy frowned. ‘Did he now? Well, the money that Daddy is talking about is for silly things like new televisions and a better car and those things can always wait. But your legs can’t. That’s what I think.’

  Sophie smiled.

  ‘So we don’t need to listen to Daddy, do we?’

  ‘Sometimes,’ Sophie said, a look of doubt crossing her features.

  ‘Sometimes, yes. About things like not touching his toolbox and keeping away from the gas fire. But not about this. I’m going to make you well, my gorgeous girl…’ Darcy crossed the room to sit on the edge of Sophie’s bed and took her in her arms. She kissed the top of her head. ‘I have to make you as well as I can.’

  ‘It’s not your fault, Mummy.’

  Darcy pulled away and stared at her daughter. ‘What do you mean?’

  ‘I know you think it’s your fault my legs don’t work, but it’s not.’

  ‘I know that. But mums want to do the best they can for their children no matter whose fault they think something is. And I’m going to do my best for you.’