The Lie of Love Page 15

  ‘Make yourselves comfy,’ Julia said, and promptly left them alone to find a seat.

  ‘It’s a bit posh here,’ Ged whispered. ‘You never said they were loaded.’

  ‘They’re not,’ Darcy hissed back, irritated at Ged’s mocking tone. ‘It’s an old family home passed down.’

  ‘I wish someone would pass an old family home our way,’ he replied, ignoring the venom in her voice.

  ‘There’s nothing wrong with our house.’

  They became silent. Jake and Sophie stared around the room, as children did when thrown into a completely alien environment. Darcy’s heart thumped in her chest as the full awareness of who was upstairs crashed over her. To be with him and Ged in the same room was her worst nightmare. She would give herself away for sure – a look, a word, a familiar touch – without even knowing she’d done it. And even if she managed to keep the violence of her emotions under wraps, which seemed impossible when she thought about how long it had been since she had seen his beautiful face, could she trust Harry to do the same? How did he feel about her now? Was he angry for being ignored all these months, even though he knew the reasons? Did he want her back enough to deliberately goad Ged? Even more frightening was the notion that he wouldn’t care, that he would show no signs of having missed her at all.

  Darcy drew a deep breath and tried to calm herself. Ged would notice her agitation – he had to, it was so obvious. Even if he didn’t Amanda would as soon as she arrived.

  Oh God… she had almost forgotten about Amanda: sharp-eyed, astute, nobody’s fool. Amanda would read the tension in the air as if every intimate detail of the affair was written there. Get it together, Darcy urged herself.

  ‘Mum…’ Jake whispered. ‘Football team…’ he pointed to a photo of a group of boys roughly his own age. Darcy scanned it and recognised Harry’s smiling face.

  ‘So it is,’ she said, trying to keep her voice level. ‘You think they were as good as yours?’

  ‘No way,’ Jake grinned. Darcy gave him a strained smile. Perhaps if Jake and Sophie could find their voices they would divert a lot of the attention being paid to any of the adults onto themselves. It would make the afternoon a lot easier to cope with.

  ‘Here we are.’ Michael came in with two bottles of coke with straws in the top.

  ‘Oh, are you sure they can drink them in here? The carpet –’

  ‘Don’t you worry about that,’ he said, handing them a bottle each. ‘It’s only an old carpet, old chairs…’ he lowered his voice, ‘and I think Julia would rather like an excuse to get new ones.’

  Darcy smiled. He had a wonderful manner about him that made one feel instantly calm. She could see that Harry got his easy charm from his father and his manic energy from his mother. ‘I won’t tell her you said that.’

  ‘Tell her… she tells me every week,’ he laughed.

  Julia appeared at the door with a tray full of glasses and a jug of ruby red punch. And as she moved aside, Harry appeared at the doorway behind her.

  Darcy tried not to stare, but she was sure that she was failing. The last time she had seen him he looked tanned and lean, full of health and vigour. Now, as she watched him come in, throwing a significant glance in her direction for as long as he dared, she could see that he had lost weight. While that spark was still in his eyes, he looked pale and tired. He isn’t looking after himself at university, Darcy thought, but as she looked again, she wondered if there wasn’t more to it than that. The transformation was too shocking for it to be a simple case of student self-neglect. She wanted nothing more at that moment than to pull him close and examine him, to find out what had caused such a change, but she swallowed the urge down and forced a polite smile.

  ‘Hi,’ Harry said as he took a seat across from Darcy and Ged. His gaze ran briefly over Ged, and then over the children, before resting again on Darcy.

  ‘How’s university?’ Ged asked.

  ‘It’s good,’ Harry replied, his tone guarded and neutral. ‘Busy and hard work, but it’s going well.’

  ‘Hard work?’ Ged raised his eyebrows. ‘You must be doing something wrong. In my day it was busy with parties and hard work was a phrase that didn’t even enter into our vocabularies.’

  ‘Things are different now that students have to pay for their education,’ Julia cut in, handing Ged a glass of punch. ‘There’s nothing like the prospect of thousands of pounds of debt to persuade a student to make all those tuition fees worthwhile.’

  ‘That pretty much sums it up,’ Harry agreed.

  A knock from the back door echoed through.

  ‘That’ll be Amanda with a bit of luck,’ Julia said as she bustled out to get it.

  A moment later she returned with Amanda, looking radiant and perfectly groomed as always.

  ‘Hello everyone!’ she purred, beaming around the room. ‘Happy Christmas to you all, and happy new legs, Sophie.’

  Harry’s dad roared with laughter. ‘That’s a brilliant way of putting it. I wish I’d thought of that, I’d have painted a banner for the doorway!’

  Sophie giggled and even Jake laughed. Ged looked faintly annoyed, but Darcy knew that as much as Amanda disliked him, the sentiment was returned in equal measure. They tolerated each other like a cat forced to live with a dog for the share of their owner’s hearth. The difference was Amanda was so well bred that she was excellent at hiding her contempt, where Ged struggled somewhat. But then he struggled to hide his contempt for almost everything these days.

  ‘Now that we’re all here how about we go through to the kitchen to eat,’ Julia announced.

  There were nods and murmurs of agreement and everyone decamped to seats allocated around the dining table by carefully inked place cards.

  ‘Did you write these?’ Amanda asked with a nod of approval as she picked her own up to examine. ‘What a beautiful steady hand you have… I didn’t know you did calligraphy…’

  ‘Actually, Harry did them,’ Julia replied as she wafted a blast of heat from the open oven door.

  Harry blushed as every eye in the room turned to him. It was the first time Darcy had seen him react in such a humble way to anything. It only made her want to smother him in her arms all the more.

  ‘Wow,’ Amanda said, clearly impressed and very surprised. ‘Still waters run deep, eh?’

  ‘Not that still,’ Michael chuckled.

  ‘And certainly not deep,’ Harry added with a faint smile.

  Darcy ate silently and gladly let the louder voices in the party dominate the conversation as the afternoon got into gear. After a brief few words of heartfelt thanks from both her, and surprisingly from Ged too, they both became quiet. Amanda, gregarious as always and louder with every glass of wine, had met her match in Michael, who parried each witticism with a joke of his own, until they were so wrapped up in their verbal sparring and laughing so hard that everyone else seemed to be forgotten. Harry was quiet too, and in the stolen moments she dared to look, Darcy found him watching her and Ged, only to tear his gaze away as she met it. She was grateful that Sophie and Jake were with them, as their presence gave her plenty to focus on in an effort to take her mind off what Harry was thinking, and the realisation, that had hit her like a slap in the face, of just how much she had missed him.

  ‘There’s donkeys down in the lower field,’ Michael said as he pushed his pudding bowl away. ‘I could take the children down to have a look before it goes dark if they’d like to see.’

  Jake was at the age where he often tried to play it cool, but at this his natural childish glee got the better of him and his eyes shone.

  ‘Can we go down?’ he asked Darcy.

  ‘Would you like to?’ Darcy asked Sophie, who nodded in eager agreement. ‘As long as you’re sure it’s no bother,’ she added, looking at Michael.

  ‘I wouldn’t have offered if it was. Want to come and see some donkeys too?’ He winked at Darcy. ‘And I don’t say that to all the women who come to dinner.’

  She hesitated for
a moment.

  ‘Yes, come, Mum,’ Jake said.

  Darcy glanced at Amanda.

  ‘Don’t look at me,’ Amanda said. ‘I’m not setting foot on a field of any description in these heels.’

  ‘I’ll give it a miss too, if you don’t mind,’ Ged put in.

  ‘I’ll come down,’ Harry said.

  Amanda gave him a sharp look. Nobody else seemed concerned, though.

  ‘Why not?’ Michael said. ‘You can help me with the gates as I’ll have my hands full.’

  Harry nodded and rose immediately from the table. ‘I’ll get my coat.’

  He returned a few moments later. He was wearing a padded parka and had Darcy’s and the children’s coats across his arm.

  ‘I thought I’d pick them up from the peg,’ he said, handing them out.

  ‘Right…’ Michael rose from his seat and headed for the door. ‘Follow me intrepid explorers.’

  Darcy scooped Sophie into her arms and along with Jake and Harry followed Michael out to the back of the house.

  ‘We’ll take the Land Rover,’ he said. ‘It’s a bit far to walk for the kiddies and the light is failing already so we need to get a move on.’

  He opened the door of a mud splattered vehicle and gestured for them to get in. Darcy and the children piled into the back whilst Harry climbed up to the front passenger seat.

  Harry didn’t speak once on the way to the field, the terrain beneath them pitching and rolling the car, throwing them around as if they were out at sea. Where Darcy found it uncomfortable, Jake and Sophie giggled every time a bump threw them into the air. She watched the back of Harry’s head, wishing she could see what was going on in there. It was a strange thing to do, accompany them to what was really a bit of entertainment for the children, and he must have seen his uncle’s donkeys a thousand times before.

  When they arrived, they all piled out, Sophie and Jake chattering madly as they approached the fence and saw two of the residents chewing on straw from a trough. Harry walked at Darcy’s side, still silent, as they went to get a closer look.

  ‘Can I ride one?’ Jake asked.

  ‘Maybe another day,’ Michael replied. ‘They’re not ready at the moment.’

  ‘Not ready?’

  ‘Imagine you had done a day’s work and you were at home in the evening relaxing in front of the telly. Your mum comes in and tells you to tidy your room immediately… that’s what it would be like for them if you jumped on and started to ride them around right now.’

  Jake nodded to show his understanding. Darcy couldn’t help but be impressed by Michael’s obvious natural affinity with children. He spoke to them easily in a way they understood. He must have been a fantastic father to Harry.

  ‘You can go and give them a fuss, though…’ he added. Taking Sophie from Darcy’s arms he carried her across the rough grass, Jake following.

  Darcy chanced a sideways look at Harry. He was watching his father go with her children. As she faced forwards again, he inched closer, so that their arms touched. She could hear his breath, watched as it curled into the twilight sky. There was a faint smell of spiced wine and sweet warmth. Darcy wondered whether she ought to start some sort of conversation, but she didn’t know what. Harry broke the silence.

  ‘I have to go back a few days after Christmas.’

  Darcy nodded silently. What did he want her to say?

  ‘Can I see you before I go?’ he asked quietly, still staring straight ahead.

  ‘I don’t think –’

  ‘What we had meant nothing to you?’

  Darcy paused, shocked by the desperation of his tone. ‘Of course it did.’

  ‘Why didn’t you reply to my texts?’

  ‘You know why. We agreed it would stop as soon as you went back.’

  He exhaled, a cloud on the cold air. ‘I didn’t think it would be so hard.’

  ‘I’m sorry. It was hard for me too.’

  ‘Meet me. Just once more.’

  ‘Harry…’

  ‘Please!’

  Darcy was silent for a moment. She wanted to, if only to ease the hurt in his voice. She had never seen him like this before and the notion that she was the cause of it cut her deeply. But how could she start their affair up again after they had come so far getting over it? She had got used to the idea of him not being around, and had accepted, after a long battle, that ending it was best for everyone concerned. Could she really go through that raw pain of separation again, open up those old wounds?

  ‘Christmas is hard. I don’t see how I can get away,’ she said, trying to impart in her neutral words all that she had just thought.

  ‘Try… if you don’t I swear I don’t know how I’ll get through the next term at uni. I can’t concentrate on my lectures; I can’t get on with my research… I can’t think straight at all.’

  ‘That’s my fault?’

  ‘Yes. Though, I know you didn’t mean it.’

  ‘I had no idea…’ Darcy murmured.

  ‘That I loved you?’

  Darcy spun to look at him but he didn’t move his gaze from the horizon. She opened her mouth to speak, but a hail from across the field cut her reply short.

  ‘You’re missing all the fun down here!’ Michael shouted, waving for them to come over.

  Darcy teetered, torn for a moment, desperate to hear more from Harry, but knowing that she had to keep up appearances for his father. After a brief hesitation, she began to pick her way across the field. A glance back showed her that Harry hadn’t moved, he simply watched her with such sadness in his eyes that it took all the strength she had not to run back, throw her arms around him and kiss his pain away.

  ‘Here we are,’ Michael said, grinning at Darcy. He looked across at Harry, but didn’t seem to see what she saw. ‘Look at that miserable sod. Was a time he would have got excited about these fellas…’ he patted the nearest donkey with affection, ‘but now he’s too grown up and cool to mess around petting.’

  ‘I suppose the novelty wears off after a few years,’ Darcy said.

  ‘Now then,’ Michael said, putting his free arm around Darcy. ‘At least little Sophie here knows how to show those lonely donkeys a bit of affection.’ He bumped Sophie up in his arm and she giggled.

  There was a shout from across the field and they turned to see Ged striding towards them from the direction of the house. Darcy narrowed her eyes. Instinctively, she stepped away from Michael’s friendly hug. To be here already Ged must have left to follow them almost as soon as they went. Why did he do that? Why say he didn’t want to come if he did?

  ‘Alright there, Ged?’ Michael called back. With Sophie still in his arms, he strode off to meet him.

  ‘I’ll take Sophie,’ Ged said as they drew level, holding his arms out for his daughter. Michael handed her carefully over. ‘I think it’s getting a bit cold for them to be out now.’

  Michael looked a little perplexed. They hadn’t been out long and really it was no colder than when they had left the house. Ged had been perfectly happy to let them go. His expression cleared after a moment and he painted on a good-natured smile. ‘No problem. I can take you back in the Land Rover.’ He glanced at Harry. ‘You might have to walk though – not enough room for us all.’

  Harry nodded, trying to catch Darcy’s attention as Ged gestured for Jake to catch up and then spun around with Sophie to make his way to the waiting vehicle. Darcy didn’t dare return any kind of signal at all. More than anything, she desperately wished she could walk with him so that they could talk properly, but there was no excuse on earth she could give that would persuade Ged to allow that. She had seen these moods before, and she knew better than to goad him. She merely threw Harry a brief, wan smile before turning to follow her husband.

  ‘You and Michael Simmons were friendly,’ Ged remarked as Darcy came back downstairs after tucking a weary Sophie into bed and leaving a not quite so weary Jake up with his X-Box.

  ‘He’s a nice man,’ Darcy replied as she
curled up on the opposite chair, hugging a cushion to her chest. ‘Anything decent on TV tonight?’

  ‘Never mind that,’ Ged flicked the sleep button on the remote and the TV screen went black. ‘What was going on?’

  ‘Ged…’ Darcy began in a jaded tone, ‘what on earth are you talking about?’

  ‘You and Simmons getting cosy.’

  ‘When, exactly, did that happen? Because I must have missed it.’

  ‘All afternoon he’s been staring at you, giving you his special attention… and you’ve been fluttering your eyelashes at him.’

  ‘He’s just friendly. And in case it escaped your special attention, his wife and son were there.’

  Ged ground his teeth for a moment, staring into space.

  ‘Ged, be sensible for once in your life.’

  ‘He fancies you.’

  Darcy let out a sigh. ‘He doesn’t.’

  ‘Because I couldn’t stand it, you know… another man sniffing around you…’

  ‘You’ve told me. On many occasions,’ Darcy said, wondering how it was that a man who was so disinterested in her on a day-to-day basis could be so consumed with jealousy at the thought of her being with another. Ged only seemed to want her when someone else did. It had always been the way. She pushed herself from the chair. She had wanted to settle down for some mind-numbing TV, something to make her forget about her emotionally testing day, but she wasn’t even going to get that. Ged had been distant and cold for the remainder of the afternoon, and Darcy had her ideas about why. She had been terrified that he had witnessed some silent exchange between her and Harry. The idea that he had actually got the wrong Simmons man was almost funny, and brought with it a certain amount of relief. In spite of their current conversation, she felt a lot more relaxed now than she had when they arrived home.

  ‘I’m going to bed,’ she announced.

  ‘Not until we’ve sorted this out.’

  She turned to him. ‘There is nothing to sort.’ And then she headed for the stairs.

  She half expected a hand on her arm, pulling her back, and she was ready for it. But the sound of the television flicking back to life was the only one that greeted her, signalling that for now at least, Ged had dropped the argument.